Jan 7, 2013

What the world failed to understand is.. survival is the key to it all,
and being one forced to survive on her own her whole life,
building the perfect wolf’s skin was the perfect wall.
The world once knew that weak pathetic sheep that hides in that skin,
it’s ugly and it’s unbearable, neither me nor the world can stand it.
It’s been damaged, it’s been broken, it’s more fragile than glass.
A mind like a child who’s unwilling to grow up,
an emotional whore just like her mother..
with a never-ending list of preconditioned personality.
A cry baby in nature, chasing after every butterfly lookalike within stomachs,
A self conscious territorial brat who needs to be the only center of attention.
Shatters in tears with every single feeling, with every prick’s fascination.
A weakness of falling for every single one of them at any slightest hint of affection.
A complete and utter drama queen, a jealousy addict,
a dreamer and a controlling freak.
spent her whole life chasing for the attention and love she never had.
That, my friends, is the skeleton I’ve been hiding in my closet…
It’s not pretty… I know, I threw away the keys long ago for this exact reason.
Because it’s either all or nothing.. it’s attached to every and any emotions I’ve had and will ever have.

In conclusion…I’m cold blooded because I feel to much.
I’m emotionless because I have too much emotions.
I have attachment issues because I attach too easily.
I don’t let people know my weakness because it’s been used against me once too many times.
I don’t admit to my own feelings because I’ve been rejected all my life.
I don’t love because I’m incapable of doing so.
I don’t get close to people because I fear losing them.
I have trust issues because I’ve seen the faces of betrayal.
I leave because it’s better than being asked to leave.
I’m a player because it’s better than being played.

My philosophy: “If you can’t afford to lose the game, just make sure you’re a better player than your opponent.”

(I am content, I’m happy with where I am and who I am right now. I know I haven’t lost faith yet, I still believe that one day there will be that someone who knows all my faults and still thinks I’m amazing.)

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