April 5, 2014

There is a reason for the things I choose to do and the image I choose to be perceived as.
From not so recent events to current state of mind, I’ve learned to be a bit more selfish and even a bit more shallow.
Not because I was like this to begin with, it’s because after over a decade of being in the game,
I’ve seen it all and I’ve lived it all, I have super-sensitive red flag alerts and they are usually right.
The only times I’ve allowed these red flags enter my life, was because it was worth it..
cause I am and have always been a red flag magnet.
So yes, I choose to be shallow, I choose to chase after things out of my league,
because then I’ll always want to serve and to please,
without anything in return, except the fact that I was accepted.
Because in the end, I’ll still come out on top, no matter how much it hurts at the end.
Yes, I’m saying my judgement on men these days is solely based
on whether being involved with them is worth being fucked over/played/used.
Yes, they do exist, and yes it’s still totally worth it.   I say this because I’ve been there,
over and over again, being with scums of the earth and still treated me like shit.
Generally speaking, it always ends the same..
so obviously I’d rather be played by a gorgeous looking god than some ass I’m not even attracted to.
I know who I am and what kind of person I should keep around me to maintain a balance, and be happy.
I’ve accepted the fact that I am never going to be ‘that’ girl,
I’ve never lived a standard life nor involved with another in a normal way.
This is my life, and this is how I choose to live it now.
I am submissive, and fully obedient.. but only to that 1%  that I chase..
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