Motherhood Is Not Suitable For All Women

Article: Motherhood Is Not Suitable For All Womenholding-hands-old-new

To my mother, who applies to all 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5. I know that no matter how much I’ve screwed up, messed up, broken down, taken advantage of, assaulted, and fallen to rock bottom after I escaped your world at 16. I still would never regret the choices I made to run away from you, because none of those times were ever as bad or made me feel as bad as the childhood you gave me.

It has taken me years to start learning how to love myself, respect myself and heal myself from a past I’m still haunted by. The hardest part was trying to figure out on my own, how to have any sort of relationship with anyone, or how to unconditionally love another, or simply how to be happy. For years, I followed my father’s footsteps, to never show weakness by drinking all your senses away. The lesson I learned best, was to never ever give anyone the satisfaction to see you fall, or give anyone the power to make you fall.
To my own surprise, I was born with the empathy neither of my parents have.
I am nothing like either of them, and that is because I chose to remove them from my life, as well as the influences they had on me. My rebelliousness was what drove me away from that fatal path, it gave me the will to build my own mind.
Because of this, I survived, battle after battle, and only till recent years, I discovered myself, I started to mend the pieces and rebuild a better life once again.

Yes, I have a complicated past that will never go away, no matter how much my mind tries to erase my ability to remember anything, and thankfully, I have forgotten a lot. I have since given myself room, to learn everything from scratch..
Because life have given me so much more, it rewarded my hard work, by letting me find happiness in life.. which is more than I can say for either of my role models.

I do apologize to those around me, and thank them for their patience all the time, I am not the same as everyone else. What I lack, I am and will always try to make up for, with what I can provide.

There is one thing for certain though, I might have a few scars or what not of the past, but I am in no way damaged, nor will ever be.  My happiness relies on no one, I can truly say that I am happy with life right now, and I’ll continue my stages of metamorphosis to whatever it may be and wherever it may take me…

Live, Love Laugh, Learn… My journey is limitless. And I’ll always embrace it fearlessly… well, try anyways.

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